Day one of birthday weekend. My friend, Linda, took me out for pumpkin pancakes at IHOP; verrry big portions. I keep forgetting that, so there are pumpkin pancakes for breakfast tomorrow, too. You're all invited. Bring tea.

Trawled the mall for various small errandy things, and got ambushed by someone I will refer to as Nail Girl, who apparently is highly motivated to move product to people, whether they want to buy it or not. I will cover only the salient points.

After explaining to Nail Girl that I have a skin condition and do not want potential allergens touching my skin, she assures me she won't put anything on me, and whips out her nail buffer. This is fine. She buffs one nail. This is fine. Asks for my worst nail (hard to locate, none will win contests) and wants to buff that, too. This is still fine. Now I should do one, because it's easy. Okay, fine again.

Nail Girl will not stop going through her spiel. She whips out a bottle of something she calls cuticle oil, and puts a drop right on my nail. This is not fine. I grab for the bottle to read the ingredients. Nail Girl assures me everything is natural.

Well, that's nice, but the main allergen I'm looking for is also natural -- lanolin. If it and I meet, I am going to need a doctor. No ifs ands or buts about it. Nail Girl does not seem to think this is as important as rubbing the unknown substance into my nail. I get the bottle, no allergen, but now she wants to sell me the whole package, with a big bottle of lotion, whose ingredients it is impossible to read. Puts package in my hands. I put it down. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Nail Girl begins slashing the price, trying to pull me closer. Her speech is exactly the same with each slice. No. But she'll charge me less. No. But see, here are reciepts from people who bought it. That's nice. No.

Nail Girl is now belligerent and possibly starting to panic. If I had it at home, would I use it? Well, isn't that the point of buying it? But no. I don't want it. I don't like her behaviour, and this is one step away for my calling for security. But I already said I liked it. Yes, I did, but that does not change the fact that I am not buying it. Well, if I don't have cash on me, I can write a check, or use a credit card. No. No. No no no no no no, and this is wasting my time. Goodbye, Nail Girl.

I don't know if this is how I would have dealt with the situation ten or even five years ago, but it felt great. Heroine-worthy; any of my historical gals could stand up to a pushy merchant that way.